Should wives cook for their husbands?
I am a millennial and I prepare nearly every meal for my husband. We both work full-time jobs.
Before you gasp (it’s shocking, I know), allow me to explain my “old fashioned” ways.
I began cooking for my husband February 2017 because of Lent. Lent is a Christian preparation for Easter and is the practice of abstinence and fasting. During this time, we are called to humility and reflection while we mourn our sins because our sins put Jesus to death on the cross. With the help of the Holy Spirit, I set out to spend the forty days focusing on my husband. I contemplated the ways I could make the marriage less about myself and more about him.
In His infinite wisdom, God enabled me to express my love for my husband more fully through cooking. Our marital bond strengthened. We became more intentional and gentle with each other.
I learned to enjoy and take delight in serving my husband this way. My husband learned (sometimes still learning) to express his appreciation.
I continue to serve my husband after Easter. Here is why:
1. We are called to love our spouse the way Christ loves His Church. Christ loves His Church so much that even though she rejected Him, He laid down his life for her, so they could spend eternity together forever. Are you willing to die to your spouse?
“Jesus has not placed on spouses a burden impossible to bear, or too heavy – heavier than the Law of Moses. By coming to restore the original order of creation disturbed by sin, he himself gives the strength and grace to live marriage in the new dimension of the Reign of God. It is by following Christ, renouncing themselves, and taking up their crosses that spouses will be able to “receive” the original meaning of marriage and live it with the help of Christ. This grace of Christian marriage is a fruit of Christ’s cross, the source of all Christian life.” (Catholic Catechism, 1615)
2. My dad admires that my mom cooks for him. About a year ago I recall him reflecting with great joy the daily meals my mother had prepared for him. His sincere expression of appreciation for her hard work and act of love was an inspiration for me to become a better wife. I want my husband, after thirty years of marriage, to look back and say, “I was blessed with a faithful wife who loved me more than she loved herself.”
3. Acts of service is one of his love languages. [Discover your love language.] Cooking for my husband is an avenue to warming his heart, in the same way that I desire a hug through my primary love language – affection. If a wife refuses to speak her husband’s love language, her husband will be left feeling rejected. It “goes both ways” – husbands should strive to meet the wife’s needs. Both can positively contribute to marriage without blaming or creating expectations for their counterpart. The general message is that marriage is not about you or your happiness – marriage is about actively loving your spouse, even if it means dying to them.
4. He doesn’t criticize my food. My husband is easygoing and sweet, and I have yet to hear a single complaint despite late dinners and burnt chicken. I have full freedom to experiment as many Pinterest recipes at my whim, and he delights in each. Serving a genial person is smooth and peaceful.
5. I get to post sweet Facebook and Instagram pictures. Who doesn’t like getting the love and encouragement (and recipe sharing) from your network? I’ve been opened to others who share this hobby. We exchange ideas and create community.
If you are nervous or overwhelmed to cook for your husband, do not fret. Have patience with yourself. Start with a small goal of one or two meals a week. Begin your own Pinterest board and start exploring – or follow mine.
Not all husbands have the same needs or love language. Not all husbands take great delight in being loved through food (although I have yet to meet one to complain). If your husband has expressed another desire, appropriate avenue of love, I highly recommend you take great measures to meet his expressed and unmet need.
Still have doubts?
Answer this question for yourself.
Do you want your spouse to feel less than loved and cared for?
Not me. Not today. Not ever.